One of my favorite things to do at Interseller is helping our clients with figuring out the best email copy strategy. Whether it’s to get more niche candidates into the pipeline or drive more booked meetings with potential sales prospects - it’s rewarding to help them achieve success.

What we often don’t get to share with others is the iterative, data-driven process that happens as emails are tweaked, rewritten, and tested. You don’t always get visibility into the before and after.

So, in this blog post, I’m sharing a recent email rewrite I did for one of our clients looking to fill a senior manager role in the Biotech industry (pretty niche-focused and hard-to-fill).

Before

Hi [first name],

Yep…it’s me again!!! The pesky recruiter looking for an experienced Senior Manager, [field of expertise] to join a growing Biotech Organization in the North East.

In this role, you will provide leadership and oversight for [field of expertise] through the development and implementation of the overall [field of expertise] strategic plan. Working closely with the Executive Team, you will identify quality issues as well as maintain a robust program for complaints, product recalls, and product retrievals.

You will also approve and review all QMS documentation to include controlled documents, training materials, deviations, laboratory investigations, CAPAs, and change controls.

Are you open to chatting? Please call me at 888-888-8888 or click on the link below to schedule an appointment: [calendar link]

Warm Regards,

Recruiter

–

So, what’s wrong with this email?

When I think of an outbound candidate-focused email, I like to think of it as a ticket to a conversation. I want to talk to this candidate, but I need to tell them what’s in it for them.

This means, you can’t get away with copying and pasting variations of the job description or parts of it. While it’s important to share what they’d be doing in the role, it’s more important to share more insight on the company, growth potential, culture, values, etc.

^ Basically, your email campaign should get the candidate curious and excited about the opportunity. You can sell them on the role and responsibilities more once you land the phone call.

Your first email should be brief, and you shouldn’t lay out all the details in that first touch. Chances are the candidates that are really hard to get in front of won’t respond on that first touch - so it becomes more important to be able to unfold a story through a series of 3-4 emails.

So, how would I rewrite this email?

After

Hi [first name],

Saw your experience in [field of expertise] - thought I’d reach out.

I’m working with a growing clinical-stage biotech company looking to add an experienced [job title at hiring company] to their leadership team.

The company is on a mission to develop [brief overview of company mission] - impacting, creating and driving a better quality of life.

And this role will have full ownership and leadership over the [add example of job responsibility], approving and reviewing all QMS documentation like controlled docs and change controls.

Any interest in having a no-pressure chat about this opportunity?

Cheers,

Recruiter

–

The biggest differences between the before and after of this email is great brevity and trying to get the candidate excited about the mission of the company (pulling on the heart strings).

Have a recruiting email you’d like to feature in a future before and after blog post here at Interseller? Feel free to email me at kristina@interseller.io.